


yes, I am still trying

by injo



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Psychiatric Hospital, Andrew POV, Andrew is 17, M/M, Mild Angst, Neil is 16, [please see the author's notes for content warnings before reading], frank discussion of mental health issues, mostly soft boys healing slowly together, they're a bit younger in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-30 00:23:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13938621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/injo/pseuds/injo
Summary: Neil looked startled at first, no doubt having heard about Andrew’s stand-offish reputation by now from the other patients, though he quickly smoothed away the look with a smile. It was a fake one, the eyes not quite committing and the lips overlong. Andrew found it hard to look away anyway.****An AU where Neil and Andrew meet in a Psychiatric Hospital.





	yes, I am still trying

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings: mentions and discussion of self-harm, suicide attempt, depression, anxiety, a panic attack and substance abuse [title taken from Em Roy’s The First Step]

It was a crisp, autumn day when Andrew was admitted to the Foxhole Hospital. The psychiatrists who saw him originally said it would only be for a short time, but as the days turned into weeks Andrew eventually had to come to terms with the fact that they had been lying. As everyone seemed to do in his life.

The House wasn’t so bad. The other patients generally left him alone, his sullen silences shielding him from unwanted interactions. The food was good, not as good as Nicky’s cooking, but close enough. David Wymack, the Hospital Manager, would gather the patients every Sunday evening and they’d discuss meals for the coming week. One of the few times Andrew spoke in front of the others was to request ice cream for dessert a couple of times a week. No one except Seth challenged this, but his token protests eventually withered under Andrew’s vaguely threatening stare.

They let him wear what he wanted and the Hospital had a pretty good gym. They hadn’t taken away his cigarettes, but they had taken away his knives.

He’d started cutting again almost by accident, old coping mechanisms dying hard when he exited the familiar confines of juvie. He had been tired of trying to play happy family with Nicky and Aaron, tired of constantly hiding the scars on his arms, and of his past. He was tired of having to make decisions about and plan for a future he had no interest in, tired of not being able to sleep and being exhausted at all hours of the day. He had just wanted a respite from it all.

He could only remember flashes of what had happened, the blood loss clouding his normally perfect memory until all he could recall were flares of sense memory: the clatter of the door against the bathroom tile as Aaron got tired of waiting for the bathroom and burst in, the slide of the knife against Andrew’s skin as his hand slipped and he cut a little too deeply, the _c-c-c-clack_ of Aaron’s phone keys as his shaking fingers dialled 911, the blaring of the ambulance sirens as he was sped towards the hospital, Nicky’s hysterical crying as he sat by his bedside.

Andrew had been moved from the Intensive Care Unit to the Foxhole Hospital after a couple of days and a draining appointment with a whole team of healthcare professionals. They’d poked and prodded at his mental state for what felt like an age, repeating questions patiently when his first response had been stony silence. They had eventually decided that his actions spoke louder than his lack of words and admitted him to the Foxhole Hospital.

It had taken him a while to get used to the routine of it all but nowadays, the rhythm of his new life washed over him like ocean waves, constant in their ebb and flow. There was a persistent tide of eating, sleeping, going to class and therapy, and fitness sessions that he had reluctantly embraced.

Not that the routine made the days pass any easier. There were still times when Andrew wished for his knives, but slowly, he opened up to the idea of making himself better. As the days passed, he began to put the scattered pieces of himself back together, finding new ways to make the rough edges fit.

****

There was a new boy in Group Therapy today. He sat at the edge of his seat, as if he wanted to be ready to take off in an instant, and the way he was hunched over meant that his messy auburn hair obscured his eyes. It did nothing to hide the scars on his cheeks or the tapping of his right hand against his thigh as the other patients eyed him curiously.

Because the Hospital really was a cliché, right down to the inspirational quotes on the walls telling the patients to believe in their dreams and other similar drivel, they were all sitting in a circle for Group. Andrew was on the steel grey bean bag he’d claimed the first week, putting him in the perfect position to gaze out of the window with glazed eyes every time the conversation took a turn for the dull.

“Hi everyone,” Abby, their resident psychologist said after walking in and taking a seat on her own bean bag, which was an unfortunate shade of purple. “We’re joined by a new patient today, Neil, so we’ll start by going over the ground rules once again so that everyone’s on the same page.”

Andrew mostly tuned out for the rest of the session, familiar by now with the methods Abby was describing and uninterested in the discussion from the other patients. The new patient, Neil, kept as silent as he did and Andrew found his interest perking despite himself. He thought he was immune to pretty faces by now, but alas not. It was fine, he was sure Neil would find a way to bore him soon enough.

****

_Tap, tap, tap._

Andrew groaned to himself. His new neighbour, Neil, had been tapping away at the wall for twenty minutes now. The sound was coming from right beside his headboard, making it impossible for Andrew to fall asleep.

_Tap, tap, tap._

Andrew knew he could alert one of the nurses and they’d tell Neil to stop, but grassing on him seemed cruel somehow. It seemed to be a nervous tick of Neil’s, at least that’s how it had appeared during Group. Andrew wouldn’t want his own coping mechanisms stripped away from him.

_Tap, tap, tap._

Still though, the tapping was getting annoying. The walls were too thick for his voice to carry, so Andrew did the next best thing and got out his phone. A few clicks later, and he was on a Morse code translator.

_Shut the fuck up,_ he tapped against the wall.

There was a pause, and then a hesitantly tapped response. Andrew grabbed a notebook to write it down and then used the translator on his phone to parse it out.

_You know Morse?_

_Evidently. Why do you know Morse?_ Andrew tapped back slowly. He had to admit it had been a shot in the dark, borne more out of desperation than anything else.

_Just, reasons._ Andrew lips quirked. What an evasion.

_What are you still doing up?_ Neil continued.

_You’ve been keeping me up, idiot._

_Oh. Sorry._

It was Andrew’s turn to pause. He remembered the first few days he’d spent in the Hospital, the fear he’d felt at having to sleep in an unfamiliar bed surrounded by unfamiliar people. Neil didn’t seem to be doing much better, if his nervous tapping was anything to go by.

_It’s okay. Just go the fuck to sleep._

_I-I can’t._

_Nightmares?_

_Yes._ Andrew remembered the hollow, weary look that had been in Neil’s eyes during Group, so like his own reflection all those weeks ago. Somehow the same feeling of sympathy flared in him again.

_You not on the good stuff yet?_

_The good stuff?_

_Drugs. They’ll knock you right out._

_No. They only prescribed me Xanax._

_Tried counting sheep?_

_Believe me when I say I’ve tried pretty much everything at this point. Who is this, by the way?_

_Andrew. The blonde one._

_The short one?_

_Rich coming from you, half pint. You’re barely a couple of inches taller than me._

_But I am taller._ Andrew hadn’t known tapping could be smug until that moment.

He waited a couple of minutes to see if anything else was coming through, before punching the pillow into a more comfortable shape and rolling over, back to the wall. The tapping had stopped, and Andrew couldn’t shake the feeling that this boy wouldn’t be as easily dismissed as he’d previously thought.

****

Andrew and Neil nodded at each other the next day in the line to get breakfast, though Andrew retreated to his regular table with Renee while Neil sat with Matt and Dan.

“That’s new,” Renee observed, in that quiet way of hers, looking at Andrew curiously as she toyed with the cross around her neck.

“I guess it is,” Andrew replied, spooning some more chocolate cereal into his mouth.

“Those two trying to adopt a new recruit for their Exy team?” he asked, nodding in the direction of Matt and Dan. Their group often played Exy during recreation time after classes, tossing a soft ball into a makeshift goal while Renee defended it.

“I guess. You should really join us you know, it doesn’t matter if you haven’t played before. I’d be happy to teach you.”

Andrew hadn’t told the others he’d had enough of stick ball for a lifetime in juvie. They’d never leave him alone if they knew they had another goal keeper in their midst, and so could potentially play full games.

“It’s not for me. Gym later?”

Renee nodded, accepting the change in conversation.

****

Andrew decided to sit next to Neil at Arts & Crafts the next day. Neil looked startled at first, no doubt having heard about Andrew’s stand-offish reputation by now from the other patients, though he quickly smoothed away the look with a smile. It was a fake one, the eyes not quite committing and the lips overlong. Andrew found it hard to look away anyway.

“James will make you draw something, you know.” Andrew said, gesturing to Neil’s so far blank sheet of paper.

“What?”

“James Rheman, the recreation director. He’ll come over in a bit and spew his shit about catharsis and healing through Crayola until you draw something.”

Neil’s lips quirked and he pulled the crayons towards him.

“Well if these are all it takes to get better sign me the fuck up.”

They drew in silence for a bit, Andrew drawing mindless spirals in shades of black and grey while Neil did a careful line of fox paws across the page. Andrew ignored the way his tongue stuck out in concentration as he started shading them in.

James descended on them soon enough, exclaiming happily over both of their drawings.

“Is James always so… upbeat?” Neil asked, after James had eventually left to go tend to someone else.

“Yes. You’ll get used to his particular brand of sunshine after a while.”

“Seems there’s a lot of new stuff to get used to around here.”

Andrew’s eyes narrowed. “Is anyone giving you a hard time?”

“No, I’m fine. Matt and Dan have been lovely and people give me a lot of space, it’s nice. It’s just… different you know?”

Andrew nodded. They went back to their drawings, silent understanding between them.

****

Renee and Andrew were walking from the out-building, in which morning classes took place, back to the main hospital for lunch when Andrew heard it. A sharp, desperate panting sound, like someone was choking on air rather than inhaling it, coming from behind a tree trunk.

“Do you hear that?” he said, turning to Renee. She nodded, barring him from going further with an outstretched arm, a careful distance from touching him, when he automatically began to approach the source of sound.

“What?” he asked, irritated.

“It sounds like it might be a panic attack; you know, like Allison gets sometimes? And she hates it when people just pop up out of nowhere.”

“Well we can’t just leave them.”

“I’ll go get a member of staff, you stay with them while I go. Announce your presence and approach slowly though.” Renee turned and jogged towards the main hospital before he had a chance to protest.

“What are they, a woodland animal?” Andrew muttered before doing his best to follow Renee’s instructions, making his steps heavier so that they were louder, and calling:

“It’s Andrew, don’t panic. Well, any more than you already are.” _Nice going, Andrew._ “Renee’s gone to get someone.”

He approached the tree trunk, worry growing slightly as the pattern of breathing seemed to grow quicker. He raised his hands up to appear non-threatening and stepped around the trunk, surprised to find that it was Neil, curled up tightly into a ball with tear tracks down his scarred cheeks and hands tapping desperately against his thighs.

Andrew crouched down beside him a safe distance away, recalling the way Wymack had coached Kevin through the panic attack he’d had at lunch that one time. He remembered how Abby had said that touch could be grounding when panicked and outstretched his hand hesitantly.

“Neil? It’s me, Andrew. I think you’re having a panic attack, but everything will be okay soon. Help is coming.”

He watched as Neil lifted his head slightly, taking in Andrew’s crouched form. Neil considered the outstretched hand for a moment before taking it in a vice-like grip, his other hand trembling as it continued to _tap tap tap_.

“Do you want to try breathing with me? It’ll help you to calm down. In for four, out for four. Ready?” Andrew continued, repeating Wymack’s instructions verbatim and hoping it would help Neil the way it had helped Kevin.

Andrew counted out his breaths for Neil, exaggerating the inhale and exhale until he saw Neil trying to follow. Neil was eventually able to inhale for a count of one, and then two, and while they were trying for three Abby finally appeared. She took over seamlessly from Andrew, talking gently to Neil in a soothing voice as she guided his breathing.

Renee stood further back, smiling encouragingly when Andrew made eye contact with her. Neil had loosened his grip on his hand and Andrew took the opportunity to withdraw cautiously, gathering up his book bag where he had dropped it unwittingly.

After a nod from Abby, he joined Renee and together they started to walk back up to the main hospital, knowing he was leaving Neil in safe hands.

****

_Thanks for earlier. You didn’t have to stop and help but you did anyway, so thanks._ The message came through the wall later that night, tapped out against his headboard when Andrew was a few minutes away from sleep. He couldn’t bring himself to mind.

_It’s nothing._ He tapped back.

****

Wednesday afternoons he had individual therapy, with his assigned psychiatrist Betsy Dobson. She’d sensed his unease in her carefully ordered office quite early on, suggesting that during their sessions they take walks through the grounds of the hospital instead, both carrying over-sweet hot chocolate in brightly coloured thermoses.

Betsy was peaceful company when walking through the carefully maintained grounds. It wasn’t that the other patients were loud exactly. They kept their games of Exy to the astro-turf during rec time, their voices only rising above the _thwack_ of balls in racquets when they were calling out plays or encouragement to each other. It was just that they seemed to be constantly in motion, always having something to say or something they wanted to do to while away the monotony of being in the hospital.

Walking with Betsy was different, her gentle questions seemed undemanding somehow, and even the tape recorder she kept with her was non-intrusive. She exuded calm and unflappability in a way that would have pissed Andrew off once upon a time, made him want to poke and prod to see just how far down that ocean of calm went. Maybe it was a sign of progress that nowadays he was happy to let it wash over him like the rest of his life, accepting it for what it was and even appreciating it a little.

“How’s your mood been this last week?” Betsy asked just as they approached a bend in the path.

“Improving. I’ve been using a couple of techniques from Group. Who knew, Abby actually knows what she’s doing.”

“That’s great news, Andrew,” she said warmly, smiling. “And your sleep? How’s that been?”

“The medication is helping. I manage seven to eight hours most nights and the nightmares don’t come as often anymore.”

Betsy’s eyes crinkled at the corners, in the way they do when she was pleased. She scribbled a couple of notes down in her no-nonsense leather bound notebook before continuing.

“Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about in this session or are you happy to let me decide the direction?”

“You can pick.” Andrew said, as he always did.

“Sure. Would you like to tell me about one of the instances in which you used the techniques and we can talk it through if you wish?”

Andrew answered, and they continued their back and forth for a while. They were near the end of their well-worn route, when Betsy gestured to a bench near the Hospital’s main building and they both sat down.

“Before we go inside Andrew, I have some news for you.”

Andrew stared at her impassively.

“The team and I were discussing your case, and depending on how you feel, we think you’ll be ready for discharge in a couple of weeks.”

Andrew felt his heartbeat pick up and took a couple of calming breaths before nodding. Betsy took that for the acknowledgement it was, standing up and dusting off non-existent dirt from the back of her skirt.

“Just think on it. Feel free to let me know your decision at our next session.”

Andrew nodded again, watching Betsy as she turned and walked back to the hospital.

****

It was movie night and it had been Andrew’s turn to pick. He’d put on _Les Miserables_ just to fuck with Seth - he knew the taller boy would hate all the homosexual subtext. Also, _The Confrontation_ had been stuck in his head the past couple of days. No one ever told you how fucking annoying an eidetic memory could be when you could remember every note and word of a song with perfect clarity.

They’d just built the barricades when Neil came in, looking around the room blearily with an exhausted look on his face and a blanket wrapped around him like a shroud. Still not sleeping then. He seemed to evaluate the couch where Dan and Matt were snuggled for a while before dropping himself down onto the bean bag next to Andrew.

Andrew tried to ignore the warmth spreading through his chest. 

****

Aaron and Nicky had been coming to visit him, without fail on visitor’s day at the hospital every week since his admission. They should have been busy with their own lives: Aaron with school and college applications and shifts at Eden’s Twilight, Nicky with his long-distance relationship and three jobs trying to cover grocery bills and health insurance (Andrew tried not to think about how he had been able to help with that once). But every Saturday, during the afternoon visiting hours, they’d turn up with snacks and posters of German bands and sports teams he’d never heard of for his room.

Andrew supposed that he should probably tell them about the admission news, but something made him hesitate. He didn’t want to get their hopes up, especially Nicky’s.

“Andrew!” Nicky jumped up from the plastic seat in the Visitor’s Room, cheery exterior turned on to full force as it always was during these visits.

“Nicky. Aaron.” Andrew acknowledged them both with a nod before settling into his own chair.

“How’ve you been?” said Nicky, as he passed over the bag he’d brought for Andrew to the nurse hovering outside. One of the rules in the hospital was that all new stuff had to be checked by a member of staff before being given to the patients. Andrew supposed, considering some of the patients’ family histories, it was probably for the best.

“Fine. How’s Erik?” Andrew said, preferring to turn the conversation away from him. Nicky predictably waxed lyrical about his German boyfriend for the next fifteen minutes, and Andrew carefully filed away the little pieces of information Nicky let slip. The way Nicky sometimes struggled to sleep but was grateful for time zones and Erik’s voice in his ear. The fact that he could afford a trip to Germany this coming Winter, which meant that their finances couldn’t be doing too badly.

Aaron sat in silence with his arms crossed during the little speech, looking around at the cosy but worn furnishings and the kid’s play set in the corner for when patient’s younger siblings came to visit.

“I got into Palmetto State for pre-med,” he blurted out once Nicky had finished, prompting Nicky’s mouth to gape open and Andrew to eye him carefully.

“Aaron, that’s such good news! Why didn’t you tell me?” Nicky said.

Aaron shrugged. “I wanted Andrew to be here when I said.”

Andrew took that for the peace offering it was. Aaron had initially struggled to come to terms with finding Andrew alone and bleeding all those months ago, evident in the way he would ignore Andrew completely during his visits.

The family therapist he was seeing seemed to be helping him though, Andrew noted. He’d been more open these last few visits, more willing to acknowledge Andrew’s presence and even talking a little bit. Andrew supposed he could offer his own little bit in return.

“Dr. Dobson said I might be discharged soon,” Andrew said. Betsy’s title felt foreign in his mouth, but Aaron & Nicky knew her as his doctor only and he wasn’t willing to admit the extent to which she had become his confidant.

It was now Aaron’s turn to gape.

“Oh my goodness, Andrew! That’s so great! When did you find out?” Nicky jerked forward as if to hug him, but then aborted the move at the last moment.

“A few days ago.”

“Do you feel ready to leave?”

And that was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Andrew had grown used to the safe, predictable confines of the Hospital, where the routine was decided for him and everything was structured just so. To leave would be to plunge his life back into the unpredictable chaos that had prompted his bids for escape at the end of a knife.

But he’d changed throughout the course of his time in the Hospital, grown more resilient. It had only been a few weeks but he could feel the change in his bones, the way he held himself when he walked and the steady flow of emotions that were no longer bottled inside but allowed to pass by like clouds in the sky.

“I think I might be.”

****

It was recreation time and most of the patients were on the astro-turf, taking it in turns to pass a soft ball between themselves. Neil looked more alive than usual, excited brightness briefly cloaking the weariness in his eyes and his hands wrapped sure and confident around an Exy racquet. He’d outrun everyone else during their warm-up laps, not that Andrew was paying attention from his vantage point on the bench next to their makeshift court.

Something about the gleam in Neil’s eyes and the spring in his step made him walk over and pick up the goalie racquet that matched Renee’s from the pile outside the astro-turf, testing the weight of it before twirling it and popping it over his shoulder.

“No way are you playing with us,” Matt said, mouth hanging open slightly as Andrew walked towards them.

“Hush, don’t be rude,” Dan chided, grinning at Andrew as she threw him some gloves and a helmet. “So you want to play goalie huh? We don’t have any padding, not that you’d need it with these balls. Catch.”

She suddenly threw the ball in her racquet straight at his crotch. Andrew deflected with ease, aiming it so that it hit her on the side of her head.

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“I thought you hadn’t played before.”

“No, you assumed I hadn’t played before.” Renee’s tinkling laugh spread over the rest of the group, all of whom were apparently stunned into silence.

“So are we playing a game or what?” Seth chimed in eventually.

“Yes, let’s,” Kevin said, huffing as he passed his Exy racquet from hand to hand impatiently. “Andrew, Neil, Matt and Dan one team; Allison, Renee, Seth and I on the other. May the best team win.”

None of the patients protested, used to Kevin’s natural high-handedness by now. They split into their teams. 

The game was surprisingly bearable. It was mildly amusing to see Kevin and Seth getting riled up when they shot ball after ball at the goal only to be deflected time and time again by Andrew. Matt and Dan worked as a seamless team getting the ball from Andrew and down their makeshift court to Neil, and though Allison and Renee worked well together, overall their team didn’t stand a chance.

Kevin and Seth were one more missed shot away from openly brawling before Renee took off her helmet and said:

“Okay, let’s stop. 9-2 to you guys, good job everyone.”

Neil rushed up the court, accepting Dan and Matt’s hugs before stopping in front of Andrew, his auburn hair sticking up everywhere.

“That was amazing,” Neil panted with a grin, the smile so real that Andrew found his heart clenching tightly inside his chest.

“The way you just shut down the goal like that. I’ve never seen anyone play like that before.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “I didn’t realise you were such an Exy junkie.”

Neil just grinned, and Andrew found his lips quirking back.

****

Renee used her arm bands to wipe the sweat off her face as she moved on to the next machine in the gym. Andrew had given her his spare set after noticing she always wore long sleeves to hide her track marks. She had fallen into heroin as part of her job as a runner for a drug ring, a whispered confession after he had handed over the bands.

They had come to an understanding long before that, sharing space during meal and fitness times, bonded over the steel in their eyes and the fortitude in their step.

“So you play Exy now?” Renee asked with a smile.

“Don’t get used to it,” Andrew said from the free weights, voice straining slightly as he lifted.

Renee hummed.

“Where did you learn to play like that?”

“Juvie. Some idealistic fucks had grand ideas about sports as a tool for rehabilitation. They made us play stick-ball four times a week.”

“No wonder you’re a better goalie than I am. All that practice.”

Andrew didn’t bother answering.

“‘Don’t get used to it’, isn’t a no,” she said thoughtfully.

“I suppose it isn’t,” Andrew said, going back to his weights. 

****

It was three days from his discharge date and Andrew was in the communal kitchen. He’d been craving brownies for a while, and now that classes were over for the day he could finally make them. Cass and then Nicky had overseen his baking development in the past and he wasn’t half bad at it now, measuring and mixing ingredients together with ease.

After hesitating a moment, he decided to add raspberries to the batter, folding the deep red berries into the dark brown. He was definitely not thinking about how he had observed a certain auburn-haired boy absentmindedly pilfering all of them from the communal fruit bowl.

****

_Thanks for the brownies._ The tapping came through the wall from Neil’s room that evening, while Andrew was in bed reading with just the lamp on.

_What brownies?_

_Your name was on the kitchen rota. I know it was you, Andrew._

_Why would I make you brownies?_

_Cause you like me._ Andrew stopped breathing, had he been that obvious? His mind ran in fast forward through all his and Neil’s interactions, trying to piece together where he’d given it away.

_I like you too?_ The question in Neil’s words was clear through the hesitancy in his tapping, their sound muffled slightly.

Andrew took a couple of fortifying breaths, willing his heart to resume its steady beating. He checked the clock on his bedside table, just ten minutes to go until lights out when they’d all have to be in their rooms for the night. He got out of bed, pulling on socks before going next door and knocking on Neil’s door.

A slightly confused Neil answered.

“I want to kiss you. Yes or no, Neil?”

“Yes,” Neil said, grinning.

Andrew kissed him.

****

Aaron and Nicky had both come to collect him, Nicky grinning from ear to ear and Aaron with a small smile on his face. Andrew had already packed up his belongings the night before and taken down the posters in his room. He wheeled his suitcases to the front foyer, Renee and Neil following, each carrying a couple of his boxes.

He turned to both while Nicky and Aaron took his belongings to the car, surprising Andrew with their tact as they gave him a moment.

“You’ll come visit?” Renee asked.

“I’ll still be coming to Group as an outpatient, and I’ll come and see you on the weekends when I can too.”

Renee smiled and raised her arms in question. Andrew nodded and gingerly accepted her hug, allowing himself to enjoy the gentle warmth of her embrace. She started to walk away with a wink, leaving just him and Neil hovering outside the door.

“You’ll come to see me too?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

“Okay,” Neil accepted easily. “Bring me more brownies?”

Andrew nodded, before leaning forward and pressing his lips against Neil’s, hoping that his kiss conveyed everything he couldn’t bring himself to say. He continued to feel the chapped softness of Neil’s lips after he’d said his goodbye and turned around to leave for the parking lot.

Andrew knew the future still wouldn’t be easy. He’d still have his bad days where he’d long for his knives or want to bury himself in his bed and never wake up again. But he felt like there would be good days in his future too, and the bad days would be dealt with a little easier with so many people by his side.

 

**Author's Note:**

> so grateful to the absolutely wonderful [Christine](http://c-dragon-pirates.tumblr.com/) for betaing and allowing me to hide the fact that I can’t grammar to save my life <3 and grateful to you kind reader for reading my words! leave me a comment if you like :)


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